| Aww snap. |
[Oct. 11th, 2004|09:41 am] |
I knew that fool was up to no good. You don't just randomly mention the Dred Scott decision out of nowhere.
Check out the meaning behind W's Dred Scott reference in Friday's debate.
Look here too. |
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| Hindsight is 20/20 |
[Jun. 1st, 2004|09:14 pm] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Radiohead - Sing a song for me | ] |
When I was at my absolute lowest I listened to a lot of Radiohead. Now I find that when I listen to it, I start to feel like ass all over again - which sucks because I really like Radiohead.
My memory is still shitty, but I don't feel as awful. I'm still unmotivated, but I'm not sure that will ever change. And it's only now, 8 months after I did the deed that I realize what a bad decision I made. I cut someone off who was very important to me. And I'm only now aware of it. Why did it take me this long? Why didn't I see this months ago? Probably because I was too preoccupied with my shitty little life. I didn't want to exist anymore. Now I've come around and I things are clearer, especially my mistakes. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 19th, 2004|10:35 pm] |
"It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it." -Aristotle
"It is [imperative] that we define ourselves for who we are, for if we do not, we will be defined by others for their use and to our detriment."
-- Audre Lorde |
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| heh |
[May. 4th, 2004|09:48 am] |
Women are like apples on trees.
The best ones are at the top of the tree.
Most men don't want to reach for the good ones
because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt.
Instead, they just get the rotten apples from the
ground that aren't as good, but easy...
So the apples at the top think something is wrong
with them, when in reality, they're amazing.
They just have to wait for the right man to come along,
the one who's brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree.
And... Men are like a fine wine. They start out as grapes,
and it's up to women to stomp the shit out of them until
they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with. |
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| mmph |
[May. 1st, 2004|12:54 pm] |
Last night I had two drinks in about a 3-hour time period. I was mildly buzzed after each but certainly not drunk. No big deal, right? Wrong. I woke up at 5am this morning sick as a dog. Ugh. I think the combination of my very low tolerance (I haven't had much alcohol this semester at all) and the many medicines I'm taking have caused my body to respond to alcohol much more quickly and um, intensely than usual. So, I won't be having many drinks from now on.
Overall, things are good. I'm a little stressed about exams and such, but who isn't? I'm not freaking out over things, which is great. I had a bit of a slump last night while I was waiting on someone for coffee (well, chai), but I pulled myself out of it fairly quickly.
The semester is almost over, and I'm really glad. I'd like to meet more lesbian/bisexual women, simply because I know very few. And because I'm still very new to the whole queer thing. For the first time in a very long time, I'd like to get out and meet someone new and interesting. Imagine: me dating. Who'd have thunk it. Well, with everyone leaving it'll be tough. But, what're you going to do, ya know? There's always home, I guess. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 24th, 2004|08:41 pm] |
i'm on medication now and i'm doing better. i like to be around people now. i haven't cried in a week. i don't feel like shit all of the time.
but when i'm alone sometimes, i feel really odd. like now. i feel really, really strange. kind of panicky almost.
i'm not really sure what to do about it. but i don't like this feeling.
sort of empty. there's an emotion in me, but it's blocked so i don't know what it is.
it doesn't happen often, just when i start thinking about things that stress me out.
i don't like this. i feel like i'm on the edge of something. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 4th, 2004|11:09 pm] |
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I am so sick of feeling so badly. I shouldn't have to feel this way, and I'm not sure long I can hold out before I break. |
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| tee hee |
[Mar. 29th, 2004|11:35 pm] |
Little Red Riding Hood was walking through the woods when suddenly the Big Bad Wolf jumped out from behind a tree and, holding a sword to her throat, said, "Red, I'm going to screw your brains out." .
To that, Little Red Riding Hood calmly reached into her picnic basket, pulled out a .44 magnum, pointed it at him, and said, "No you're not. You're going to eat me, just like it says in the book." |
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| A little complaining |
[Mar. 27th, 2004|04:37 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  lethargic | ] |
My stomach has been unhappy for a few days now. I think it's largely, if not entirely stress related. I haven't been able to eat anything without seeing it again soon after. Sometimes I eat things that I know I shouldn't - just because I really want them. For example, yesterday I had a bagel for breakfast (saw it again), and a sandwich for lunch (saw it too). The bagel shouldn't have been a problem, but the sandwich had mayonaise and hummus on it, and I still ate it. I knew better, but I was actually hungry. Today I had a bagel for breakfast (didn't see it again - improvement!) and I just came back from IHOP. Bad choice. I'm feeling the half a grilled turkey sandwich churning in my tummy. A grilled turkey sandwich would normally be fairly safe, but because it was prepared at the greasy spoon known as IHOP, it'll probably have its way with me and toss me on the ground when it's done. I know better than to eat there!
Last night I got in bed around 8 o'clock feeling extremely nauseous and headache-y and I didn't get out until 8 this morning. The suck factor is that I didn't even sleep much. I tossed and turned and woke up nearly every hour on the hour. I probably should have just made myself puke. I would have felt much better but I just didn't have the energy. All my stress and nausea was brought on by the discussion I had at dinner last night. It was then that I told someone that I was extremely unhappy. It wasn't some huge suprise, it's painfully obvious to just about everyone, but it's just something I haven't talked about. I didn't use the word "depressed" but I mentioned the fact that my therapist will recommend me for medication if I decide I want it. The whole process of sharing something that personal was extremely painful for me. I ended up sniveling and blubbering a lot, and when it was all over I felt like I was going to vomit. Pleasant, I know. But it was a huge step. And talking to her helped me realize I might really benefit from meds.
A few hours before dinner yesterday I was feeling especially desperate. My last class had just let out, and I was walking around campus. I realized that I really wanted to talk to someone, but I didn't know who to call, or find. The thing is, even if I had found someone, I probably wouldn't have said anything about the way I feel. I'm not sure why, but it seems so hard to do. I poured through the phone book on my cell phone and out of 30+ entires, I couldn't find a single person to cofide in. I take that back. I found one, so I called him and of course, he wasn't available. I felt trapped. I didn't want to be stuck with just my thoughts for an entire weekend. I'd never make it. I knew I could call my therapist, but I just coudn't bring myself to do it. I even stared at the phone numer for a while. I didn't know what she would do for me, but I really needed the distraction of hearing her instead of hearing myself.
I drove home and contemplated calling again. It was nearing 5 o'clock and I knew she wouldn't be there for much longer... but I felt so awful. I was desperately afraid that what happened on Thursday night would happen again. And I don't ever want to feel that way again. I wanted something, anything. It was then that I sort of realized why sometimes you hear about people downing a bottle of asprin with vodka... They want something to make all of "it", whatever "it" might be - stop. I didn't want to do that, but I knew I wanted something in me to make me feel better. And before I could think any further, I got a phone call. It was time for dinner. |
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| who reads titles anyway... |
[Mar. 27th, 2004|09:42 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | accomplished | ] |
Alright, so this is my first post. After being somewhat inspired by the journal of a person w/similar intentions, I've decided I need a place to be honest. And this will be it. Though not related to honesty and expression in anyway, here's my very first quiz deal :o)
Which Famous Homosexual are you?
Brought to you by Rum and Monkey
Let the record show that I'm not a homosexual (I don't think), let alone a famous one. I am (I believe) bisexual. I didn't figure that out until recently, so there may be some ranting about that in here. Yeah, so expect my complaints/observations/etc about my teetering faith in God, my sexuality, my depression. And hopefully other, more inspiring things.
ta ta for now ;o) |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 27th, 2004|09:02 am] |
hi. just a test entry. changing the format a bit. |
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